Monday, January 15, 2007

Ceci's Special, Part II: Communication As A Form of Courage

Along with the thoughts about MLK day, I reflected deeply about what it means to speak your mind thoughtfully and courageously. In my past incarnation as a poster on a forum, I had undergone a transformation. At first, I was really shy and quiet because I didn't know what to say. As time went on, I began to express myself about politics and society. It was slow at first because I had always been very careful and conscientious about others.

In many ways, I still hold fast to the ideals of meticulousness and thoughtfulness when it comes to discussing pertinent issues. Other times, I began to get bolder and throw caution to the wind. Some of that got me into trouble--especially in bitter debates that left both pro and con sides scathed. It is hard trying to discuss issues sometimes with people who are set in their ways. It is even harder conversing with those who want to pull the rug right from under you just for their personal entertainment.

In some debates that I have had in the past, everything but the kitchen sink was thrown at me. Sometimes, the words expressed by my opponents in a topic were rather harsh and uncalled for. But I grew a thick skin and defended myself--sometimes, to no avail. It was here that I discovered a small kernel of wisdom about discussing politics: it is dirty and rather personal when you've mentioned something that rubs the other conversant raw. And then, the accusations fly. It always ends with scorched earth, one way or another.

There had been many times in conversations like these I felt like washing my hands over and over. But that is because I have a conscience. I have discovered that there are people in the world who don't care how dirty their hands get because they just don't give a damn. In fact, it even soils their entire attitude. In that sort of brutality, I've learned that sometimes, I've got to let it go despite what my opponents in a debate think about me and my opnions. However, that lesson is a tough and long one coming. I had to fall into the trap many times before the realization struck me.

And then, there are people who misunderstand or intentionally ignore what you are trying to say. You try to explain it over and over, just hoping once that it would get through their minds. But even then in the midst of heated discourse, there are just some people who don't want to get it and will not. In fact, they will do whatever they can not to understand your side of things. They opt instead to try and bring personality into it. And when you express an opinion that doesn't jibe with their world view, suddenly, you are painted with mental or behavioral disorders, let alone other pathological accoutrements that they will not only convince themselves or others that you have.

That is why I've come to the point that having conversations on tough topics not only requires a tough skin; it also is a mark of courage and bravery in the face of unwinnable odds.

It takes courage to hold your ground and continue to discuss things despite the fact that you might be alone in your beliefs about a given issue. Believe you me. It is not for the faint of heart, not by any means. When one finds one's self against others who refuse to understand a particular subject, you have to have nerves of steel. It requires more tact and communication skill than what is being let on. If you ever find yourself at the tail end of a fight, don't be convinced that you are the one who lacks "communication skills".

After talking about this notion with others, I've found out that those who are willing to throw out accusations such as that one are far more mired in their own inability to express themselves than you. They also lack the tenacity to face their convictions, opting for the easy road of taunting and accusations instead. And when it comes to courage, they have none if they can't open their minds enough to converse about the issue without resorting to the underhanded tactics.

However, no one is free of playing dirty. Sometimes you have to do it simply to defend yourself. Here too, it is apt to note that some people do not like someone who is at the tail end of their criticism to do just that. It is far easier to give up and to walk away.

If you feel the strength of your convictions and are willing to go with it in the end, then you will hold all the marbles. However, one cannot let themselves become crystallized in their position. Having good communication skills is possessing open-mindedness even when it gets hard. One always has to see the other side of things and hear the other side out.

The most courageous thing to do, I have realized, is to retain that open-mindedness even when debates and discussions get dirty. Even in the worst of circumstances, I find myself researching the other side in order to have a well-rounded perspective on the topic. It is a lot to ask that the other side to do the same.

In the end, you must sometimes deal with your own manner of communicating and not let others rail-road you into thinking that your positions or sentiments are wrong.

There is more to say about this later, perhaps in part 3. But, to make a long story short, courage is a powerful and redeeming force if one uses its potential while taking the higher road.

1 comment:

Ceci said...

Gem,

Thank you for your gracious words. The time and space from that particular forum has allowed me to think about what had happened. It also made me examine why there are posters out there who refuse to listen to your side of the story.

You are right when you describe the persons who have to resort to personal attacks. Although there is more to say in a future entry about this notion, I think that there are just some posters who are not that serious about discussing the issue.

Instead, they rather bring up all your faults and make it the centerpoint of their tirade. The worst of such acts is the fact that they do it to derail the threads.

What gets worse is when they get "self-righteous" about their personal attacks. That really rubs me the wrong way. Instead of focusing on the topic, they waste pages and pages of a thread on dredging up every little thing against you until you break down. I just wonder what satisfaction they get out of this.

Perhaps they are just sadistic?

There are several times I did walk away from a particular discussion. One of the posters who remained claimed that he and the others "drove me away".

So, to make a long story short, being involved in a debate about a controversial topic reflects a "Catch-22" sometimes.

It's nice to see you here and read your words on the blog. You always have something to say that causes me to think deeply about the subject matter at hand. Please come back and continue to post your comments whenever you can.

Take good care,

Ceci :)

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