Tuesday, April 17, 2007

When Dealing With What Happened at Virginia Tech, Please Don't Bring Up the "Victim Mentality"

The "victim mentality". These two words have been thrown around not only by political pundits, but in popular culture. As I had written earlier in my entry about "empathy", there seems to be a trend that equates victims with opportunism. This aspect seems to be detrimental to those who suffered and calls for the silence of their experiences. And, after these two melancholy days, it is hoped that there aren't pundits or politicians out there who will not accuse the people, families and community who has endured this terrible tragedy of being part of a "victim culture" or having the "victim mentality".

When this attitude is taken when accusing people who suffer of "whining" about their experiences, it points out how indifferent and callous some could be to avoid getting in touch with connecting with others. It further points out how detrimental silence could be when trying to shun those who have experience tremendous, chaotic circumstances. And especially when those two phrases are used, it points to this fact.

Would anyone dare accuse the students, staff, families and faculty of being part of a "victim culture", that they were "crying about their circumstances" and possessing a "victim mentality"? It would not only be a faux pas. It would also revisit the stance of punishing those who need comfort and care. Worse, it would be even more terrible if the same self-centered stances would be applied to bully them into "holding it all inside", so that others could not hear first hand of the pain.

One of the main problems that arises from the accusation of having the "victim mentality" or being part of a "victim culture", is that this stance--along with a complicity with violence--is celebrated in American culture. Because no one has tried to counter the mentality of those who go around penalizing the victims in society, it seems all right to say this right in the face of those who have bad experiences in their lives. And instead of just sitting down and listening to their pain and insights, the callousness results into belitting and pigeon-holing them into shame. And that should not happen. There is nothing shameful about sharing one's pain.

But what does have a mark of shame is when people blatantly flaunt their inability to care and hide it in the guise of "strength" and "self-actualization". What is even more irrephrensible is that those who accuse others of the "victim mentality", use this as a way of "not talking about pain" and "wanting to let the experiences die so that they don't want to come up again."

Things have to change. Holding things in has never been very good. What happens when one does hold things in is that there is an implosion without any outlet to release one's feelings. This is especially detrimental when one wants others to listen and eventually has to face another's back turned to them.

One has to wonder how Americans will treat the survivors of this terrible happening this week. Will they allow those who endured tremendous loss and pain to speak and be comforted? Or will the people of the United States suddenly tire of this and then descend into the repetitious tripe that punishes the victims instead of comforting them?

After all, there will be other headlines. And the current story will fade into the sunset with another item that will take its place. But the victims of Virginia Tech will still have to face not only their grief, fear and experiences of the traumatic event. And, they will still need others to reach out to in order for compassion in this time of need. Just like the survivors of Hurricane Katrina, they too deserve care.

While we continue to ask why it happened, let us not forget those who suffer. Treat them with open arms. Do not dismiss their experiences. Listen attentively and kindly without any judgment. By taking action through being caring and showing a sense of connection, we won't need to use such terms as the "victim culture" and "victim mentality" again.

Let those two phrases go the way of the dodo.

No comments:

Affiliations

Powered by WebRing.